Thursday, June 23, 2011

Hitting A Wall


Hello!

I finally, FINALLY got in my bedroom to start priming the walls. So I finally hit the wall with one coat of primer on the panels...and then the wall hit back. My mind said 'one more wall of paint or primer and you're going to lose it'. 

In my bedroom.
In my bedroom, people!

Doesn't matter.  I can't pick up a brush.

Okay. It will look much better (aka, not looking like it was thrown on the wall after I got myself so over tired I'm crying while painting) when I've gotten away from it. Agreed.

Age and a little wisdom has taught me to not push back when my body says 'don't go there'.
Being at the bottom of the 2-gallon container of primer may have also had something to do with it.


So, I changed tack. It's not like I don't have ANYTHING left to do in the house. I decided the carpets were next. Did I mention the skeeviness is gone from them? I'm a barefoot girl. Always have been, always will be. I stepped on those carpets with my bare feet and went EW. Tobacco/dirt/tobacco/dust.
Uh. no.  

I pick up the steam cleaner from my local big box store and turn on the tap for hot water. Hmmm...it's not getting hot.  So I wait a little longer....maybe it's been off for a while and it just needs to kick in. And I wait. And wait. And wait.

Sometimes (!) denial kicks in before reality for me, people.

Okay. No hot water. After a few calls, I found out there is a part missing on the water heater that will be fixed in a couple hours.

In the meantime, what's a girl to do?

Take a NAP.
I love naps. Love love love them.
Another blog topic for another day.


So, around 7pm, I mosey back on over and voila! Hot water!!!
(cue singing angels)

I swear....I think that the cleaning process changed the color of the carpet. Or what I thought it was. It's like getting another gift ~ I get to see what the REAL color of the carpets are today!..and they are worthy of my bare toes sinking into them.

Today will be an all-out cleaning frenzy. Two days to go!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Changes....


Hello Lovelies!

Girls, I'm getting closer to putting the paint brush down ~ at least where the walls are concerned.  I will then happily pick up the spray paint can :)  As soon as the beeeeg desk is out of my bedroom, I will commence in painting the final room and then be happy to not have to paint knotty pine.  again. 
Ever.  Unless it's already been painted.  



So here's the real interesting thing that happened.
As I was walking to my door to my apartment on Saturday, my mind was thinking a million miles ahead of myself...when my eye caught the sight of something like this:

Eastern Garter Snake
(aaanimalcontrol.com)

I was just about to step on her when I looked down and froze.

She looked at me (I'm saying she cause I want to, not because I checked.)
I slowly backed away. Thankfully, I know that we have very few (if any) poisonous snakes in NJ, so I knew I wasn't in involving-a-hospital type of danger.

As my brain began to unlock itself from the 'omg, a snake!' thought, I was able to realize that she is a gift to me.

Yes, folks, I said it. A slithery gift; not warm and fuzzy, but beautiful gift, nonetheless.

From what I have read, and I am by no means an expert on Native American totems, Snake medicine is very powerful. Here's what I found digging around, where else, on Google.


This a powerful totem -- it is
Wisdom, Healing, Initiation
The Symbol of Enternity
The symbol of transformation and healing.
The Snake is wisdom expressed through healing.
It is a protector and guardian totem,
along with its sister totems, the Dragon and the Serpent.
If a snake totem has come into your life, your creative forces are awakening.
Your intuition will sharpen and be more accurate.
Snake energy is the energy of wholeness, cosmic consciousness, and
the ability to experience anything willingly and without resistance.
It is the knowledge that all things are equal in creation.
It also signals a transition in your life.
New opportunities and/or changes.
Snake is fire medicine, the medicine of transmutation.
On a material level, it is vitality; on an emotional level, it is ambition and dreams;
on a mental level, it is intellect and power; on a spiritual level (the highest level),
it is wisdom, understanding and wholeness.
Snake magic is heavy magic.
Become the Magician and transmute the energy and accept the power of the fire.
(Linsdomain.com)



Okay, so the woo-woo things that give me goosebumps that go along with this are:
  1. In chinese astrology, I am a Dragon (see quote)
  2. I know this is a time of great change for me (I'm not going to bore you with the details). Sure I'm not. But that's for another entry.

I sat down on the flatbed trailer next to my door (another entry) to just observe her. She really was beautiful. I thanked her for showing herself to me and reminding me of where I am in this journey. I walked back to my car and back again to the place I saw her, and she was gone.

Some of you will probably say, like I did, “it's just a snake; you're on a farm”, “it was a cloudy day and she wanted to warm herself on the concrete” or just not believe in this whole woo woo kinda stuff.
S' okay. I'm not trying to change people's beliefs, this is just my truth.

The one thing I canNOT get past? Waking up that morning wondering, 'why in the heck was I dreaming of a snake?'


Monday, June 13, 2011

One Down, Two to Go!


A Before and After Reveal

Hello there Lovlies ~ Happy Monday!

I was able to finally check one item off of my to-do list in my apartment.

Wait for it....
The living room is painted!
Completely.
Finito. At least for now.

Two coats of primer/sealer and two coats of paint later and ~phew!~ I need to sit down.

So here's the before and after!

Before...


And Now!


Don't you just love it?

This post is wayyyyy late. I was working while feeling under the weather; I would finish and go back to my friend's house that I was pet sitting for and HAD to take a nap. Like once in the morning and in the afternoon too.

And then early to bed.

I hate feeling under the weather. But now, I'm feeling better so I'm planning on having more posts much sooner than later.

Ciao for now!


Saturday, June 4, 2011

Introducing the Pug.


This morning was filled with too many errands on my to-do list and just way to hot to think about painting.  The thought of finally getting a coat of PAINT on the walls is very exciting, but not while feeling like I'm working in a sauna.

So I decided to take my dog, Hannah to the apartment to get her read on it.  Here's one of my favorite photos of her.


Isn't she a cutie patootie?  Her personality shines through in this photo; she's either this way, or the way she is at this very moment - velcro'ed to my leg, snoring.  I adore both.

So we hopped in the car this morning and she became very curious when we turned into the driveway.  She got out of the car and it was as if she had been there before; she climbed the stairs right away and waited at the door for me to open it.  I let her in and she inspected every room as if she was the one making the decision to live there or not (who am I kidding?  Of course she is).  I am pretty sure that she could pick up on the relaxed energy of the place and I could see that she felt very comfortable there.  Woo Hoo!

We went outside again and walked around a little bit; I thought that maybe her new neighbor, Chloe the Great Dane might be out and about, but she was still inside.  The introduction will have to wait.

For me, it was another re-affirmation that this is the right thing to do.  I drove away smiling.

A sponge masquerading as a wall.


So today is day three of priming the walls of one room.

Yes, I said three.

I think that these walls are just disguised as that...they really are just sponges. Really, really dry sponges.

Off I went bright and early to my local big box home improvement world to buy more primer.  Last week I managed to get half of the room coated twice.  Why only half, you ask?  I was praying hoping that it wouldn't need more than two coats of primer before I can put a roller in a tray of REAL paint.  Not that it would have made a bit of difference at that point, I realize now.  Once I put that roller to that wall, I was all in!

The thing that is taking me the most time are getting into the nooks and crannies of the d#@* knotty pine paneling.  I keep telling myself it's going to be beautiful when it's done.  Right now, with two coats of primer, not so much.  I'll take some photos tomorrow of the transformation so far; it does look a thousand million times better, JUST with primer.

I'm googling paint sprayers.  Digging into crevices of darkness with a brush is not my idea of a good time.  Give me a can of spray paint anytime!  OOOhhhh...the thought of being able to spray the room quickly and in one coat gives me goosebumps!

You can't wait for that blog entry now, can ya?  

Is it hot in here???


So this morning I wake up.  Early.  Like 4:30am early, since one of my dogs had 'to go'.  I don't need two footed kids, I have four footed ones. :)

I walk outside and 'WHACK' -- who turned on the humidifier OUTSIDE?  I mean really....it felt like it was 174 percent humidity at 4:30am!  I walk back in the house and my feet are sticking to the pergo floor.  Ick.

Yesterday it was 72 cool degrees.  Today, I'm in Havana, with no need for a passport.

Summer and I have a complicated relationship.  My favorite seasons are the in-between seasons - Spring and Fall.  Summer is fine as long as I'm on the beach with my feet in the water in my beach chair with a cool breeze. I have found that after many years of sunning myself, I think my thermal receptors reject the whole idea of staying out in the sun.  I hope that it will add up to less wrinkles.

I will be posting about my painting party of one that I had this past weekend.  Love spray paint - just love the transformation it creates.

Re-store


I hope everybody had a nice weekend.

I had a painting party of one....thanks to Habitat for Humanity.
Let me explain.

I've wanted to go to my local Restore for a while now, and since I am putting together my idea board for my apartment AND they sell everything from cleaning products to light fixtures, it was time.

I am planning on (eventually) replacing the sink fixtures (inexpensively) in the bath and kitchen (well, having someone come in and do it) - that's where I draw the line; plumbing.  I will tackle electrical, carpentry, flooring, but NOT plumbing.  I love the water, just not when it's leaking out of some pipe.

Back to the store.  They have some really great things there ~ ohmygosh, it was difficult for me to not leave with a car-full of things I "needed".  Until I came across a darling chair for $5.  I had two other chairs that I had purchased in the fall and it was time to do some painting before I move.  I painted the three chairs and a game table that my friend Roe gave me Heirloom White, and it looks wonderful!

As Promised....photos!


Here are my 'before' photos of my new apartment.  I think it has lots of potential to be a perfect space for me; knotty pine walls, on a piece of property that I hope to be able to grow some veggies on, and lots of wildlife for photo ops!  Here are a few photos of my kitchen.




Cute, huh?  It will be cuter after I work some of my magic!

Here's the Living Room.  As you can see, the word for this room is D A R K.  As in cave.  All it needs is some TLC.....and a whole lotta light colored paint.
Can you see that there are TWO chairs?
Whooee....it's dark in there.  

I'm going to keep the area rug for now since I think it will go with the color scheme I have chosen.  I've found a fabric that I am going to base the apartment colors from...

Stripe Ensemble in Robin's Egg
I think this will be valances in the Living Room.  Or pillows.  

More photos to come...

Welcome!


I'm moving.  I'm moving and finally coming home, to myself. 

This blog is essentially an outlet for me.  If it helps someone else, that's wonderful, and a blessing for sure.  I am going to combine my journaling/writing/blogging with my attempts as designing my rented haven (apartment) for me and only me, for the first time, ever. 

You will see my photography here also as I am a serious amateur photographer.  I'm also a gardener and working on landing a job as a Dialysis Patient Care Technician.  

This blog is really about hope, as dark as some of the days have been in my life, there must have always been that little glimmer of hope that has never gone out even when I didn't see it, it was there.

I'm a recovering alcoholic and compulsive overeater.  Today I can truly say that I am grateful for being an alcoholic in recovery; I wouldn't have ever received the gifts in my life that I have today (and been able to see them as gifts) if it weren't for my Tuesday night girl's group and the people and program of Alcoholics Anonymous.

I still struggle with food.  Today I am abstinent from sugar, flour and volume, one day at a time for 19 days.  I realize I eat when I'm stressed, angry, or anxious.  


This moving out is a huge thing for me.  I was in a relationship that was pretty dysfunctional, especially the last few years; name calling, threats, emotional abuse - and I realize now that I was not just on the receiving side of it.  I knew it was not what I wanted from a relationship, but I stayed. 

Did I believe it would get better?  No.  I thought that's what I deserved from a relationship.  

I now realize that it has been all wrapped up in my lifelong goal of RESCUING.  Rescuing animals, furniture, plants, buildings, but for the most part.....people.  I came into this world with (I believe) one goal - to rescue. That by rescuing 'you', you will, in turn, rescue ME.  Mostly from myself.  Please rescue me 'cause I can't handle what life may throw at me!  Sigh.

The Princess/Savior/Rescuer has never shown up.  And I know realize that person doesn't exist.  

The only person that can rescue me, IS me.  

I believe I was (subconsciously or consciously) conceived to rescue my mother from her abusive relationship with my father.  My father was (in my estimation) an alcoholic before I was born, and my mother came from a very long line of codependent women.  Combine the two together and  - Viola! ~ instant insanity.  I am the oldest of two daughters.  My mother told me I was 'supposed' to be a boy (hence the rescue from the other male figure). My sister is 7 years younger than me, which created two entirely different perspectives of our family.

I remember my mother telling me in detail about the arguments my parents would get into; they involved threats of leaving/being left, physical harm, including at least once when they ended up in the hospital emergency room with cuts from throwing dishes at each other.  I still remember the wistful look in my mother's eyes when she spoke about it.  EWWWWWW. 

Thank you God that I know now, that is sick thinking.  Unfortunately knowing that thinking is destructive and not REPEATING the same patterns are vastly different.  I'm still working on the latter of the two. obviously. 

It has only been a few months since I received the epiphany that my whole existence has been orbiting the word rescue.  I remember sitting up in bed and saying 'that's what it is!'.  Like a thunderbolt from the clear blue sky.  

Thank you God.

I have the most amazing therapist in the Uni-verse.  Thank *GOD* she finally got fed up of listening to me whine about my situation and kicked me in the butt about it, by telling me what I was going to do (because left to my own devices, I will NOT figure things out on my own that are most the time 'duh' obvious to other people).  

This is also about Faith.  Faith that I will GET a job soon.  Faith that I CAN take care of myself, AND also dis-cover who *I* am, which until this point, I am have been terrified to look at.  

I hope you'll join me on this journey.